These rules were designed to help protect our relationship
from swinging. It may sound a bit strange, but without knowing
what activities we are comfortable with each other doing, it could
be quite easy to do something that upsets your partner. Everyone
has their own rules, and yours need to be decided before you proceed.
Sit down and both of you write the sort of things you'd like to
try and things that you don't want your partner doing. Once you've
done this, swap papers, it can be a real eye opener. Try to come
to some middle ground over what you are comfortable with and what
you don't want to do. Use this information to make your rules,
and stick to them.
Another huge issue is jealousy. In the swinging
lifestyle couples still have to deal with the same problems. The
green eyed monster, jealousy. It can ruin your relationship, and
has kept people from enjoying themselves for centuries. The feeling
that your partner is going to enjoy themselves with someone else
more than they do with you. It happens even to the most experienced
of us (we still get a little jealous at times, we wouldn't love
each other if we didn't).
This is why communication is important. The feelings
that come from a solid, healthy relationship span the spectrum,
and at times jealousy is among those feelings. If this happens,
you should talk about it. It's the only way to deal with jealous
feelings. What makes you jealous?...How do you feel when you are
jealous?...How can these feelings be dealt with?... What can we
change so that we don't get jealous?...Is the jealousy to much
to handle when we swing?...should we try swinging again? You must
ask yourselves these questions before you go any further.
Most swingers enjoy watching their partners have
sex with another person, watching another person enjoy what you
have all the time. This is part of swinging, not only getting
and giving, but enjoying the fact that your partner who you love
are enjoying themselves as much as you. Don't let your jealous
feelings build up and ruin your relationship...talk!
Safe sex is another important thing to think about.
Every swinger should practice safe sex, as they are putting themselves
and everyone else that may share their bed at risk of sexually
transmitted diseases. You cannot know everyones sexual history,
so is it worth taking the risk?
What sort of meeting would you like? Would you like
to meet swingers privately or at a club? Clubs are proberbly the
best place to start. They are totaly safe with staff there if
anyone causes problems. There is no pressure for you to take part
in anything, if you say no it means no. You will get a better
idea of how swingers behave, and will be able to talk to other
swingers to find out more. They are generally very nice, normal
people and most will be glad to help you.
My belly is too fat...etc? Swingers aren't perfect
people, they are just normal everyday people like you and me.
They work, have houses and families to take care of . Some keep
fit, and others don't know what a gym looks like. We come in all
shapes and sizes, colours, religious beliefs, and income levels,
from doctors and nurses to secretaries, labourers and housewives,
we come from all walks of life.
The one thing we all have in common is that we were
all new to this at one time. We visited places like this to get
information on how to get started, meet people, and for reassurance
that this was the right thing for us.
Everyone is different, we all have our own fantasies
and desires. What our body looks like doesn't really matter, it's
your willingness to explore new experiences. There are people
out there that are looking for people like you. What is important
is that you communicate with your partner, Once you've agreed
on what you want or don't want to do, go for it, and enjoy yourselves.
There is no pressure, and you don't have to explain
yourself if there is something that you don't want to do. You
have to have an open mind, and everything else will fall into
place.
Sex is good and sex is fun, but communication is
number 1! Consenting adults in a relationship building on communication,
truth and trust has a better chance of surviving than one that
includes lying and suspicion. Talking to each other helps you
understand your partners needs, wants and desires, and when communication
happens between two people this opens the doors for exploration.
If you are ready and willing to include swinging
into your relationship, it is important to discuss everything
with your partner. What excites you... what makes you nervous,
why you want to do this, and why you think it would improve your
relationship. You also have to listen to what your partner has
to say, watch their body language, if they are defensive or scared
looking, then it is possible that they are saying "yes",
but really meaning "I'm not sure".
Once an encounter has happened you must talk about
it, what each of you liked ....Would you like to do it again?....
what you would like to try if you do it again?....Should you change
some of the rules you originally had? Most swingers find that
they have great sex with their own partners after the encounter,
talking about what happened...reliving the experience.
Most swingers have the best relationships. They
are open and honest with their partners, and are able to express
their wants, needs, and desires openly without remorse, and their
wants, needs, and desires are respected by their partner without
a need for an explanation.
What if we have a bad experience ? What if myself
or my partner is jealous beyond belief ?What if we get addicted
to swinging ?What if the neighbours, my boss or the children find
out ?
There are lots of reasons why you shouldn't do this,
you've got a list a mile long in your head, but there are a few
reasons why you should and you can't get them out of your head.
No one can tell you whether it is right for you, only you and
your partner should make this decision. If it's something you
both want, then try it, don't let the what if's stop you.
If only one of you wants to do it and the other
agrees, then fine, but if they don't agree, think long and hard
about what it could do to your relationship.....is it worth it
? Be thoughtful of your partner, talk about everything that may
happen, or has happened, or what you would like to happen. Always
be safe. Everything else will take care of it's self.
Hopefully, you've realised that if you want to get
into swinging then you need to talk to each other and have a strong
relationship. Once you've done your talking, you've got your rules,
and your both happy, go for it. don't forget to email me to let
me know how it went.
Luv Mel xxx
