So you’re advertised on a website or in a magazine, picked a suitable response, and want to arrange a meet.
What now?

In last issue’s article, we covered how to advertise yourselves both online and offline. Hopefully you should have had a few replies by now and you’re considering your first meeting. First meetings can be very nerve-racking – we still get butterflies whenever we meet new couples for the first time, you never really get over it – but that’s all part of the fun.

Before meeting other swingers for the first time, you should always speak to them on the phone. If you’re meeting a couple, make sure that you speak to both partners, and don’t agree to meeting up until you have. We once agreed to meet a couple without speaking to the wife and it turned out to be a single man, so be aware that this type of thing can happen, and be prepared.

Also, you should make it clear why you’re meeting up; now, we realise that this may sound strange, but it’s important to know where you stand for them and you. Are you meeting just for a social to see if you get on, or are you willing to play on the first meet?

If you are going to play on the first meet, then who’s going to play, and are the other couple in agreement? We have friends who swing, but only in situations where the girls play, and the men watch. They had an encounter where that fact wasn’t made clear to the other couple, which caused problems when the other couple were expecting full swap fun.

As you can see, just meeting up takes a lot of thought so, as always, sit down together and agree why you’re meeting and what you’re willing to do on the first meet. We would recommend just meeting up for a drink and a chat for your first meeting. This way, there are no expectations either way, which makes for a more comfortable meet. There’s nothing to say that if you really hit it off, you can’t go on to somewhere else to play, but take it slowly and don’t get carried away, or you might do something you regret.

If you are a single girl then you should always let someone know where you are going and arrange to call them at a certain time, just so that they know you are safe. Also, let the people you are meeting know that you have told someone else. These are simple steps to keeping you safe.

The next thing you need to think about is where you would like to meet them. Do you want to travel to them, or arrange for them to come to you? Some people prefer to travel so that they don’t have to give out details about where they live and so that they don’t meet up with anyone that might know them personally.

You should arrange to meet in a public place first, just in case you find that you aren’t comfortable with the people you are meeting. A pub or service station is always a good idea. We usually meet up with couples at our local Little Chef, as it is on the way into our area and easy to find. This gives us a chance to have a drink and chat to the couple so that we can make sure that we will get on.

Remember that you don’t want to meet up anywhere that is so loud that you have to shout to talk to each other, so if you meet at a pub, make sure it is a quiet one.
Alternatively, you could arrange to meet up at a swingers club or party. As I’ve explained before, these are great places to meet up, as you don’t have to worry if someone’s trying to listen in on your conversations, and if things don’t work out, there are plenty of other swingers there, which takes the pressure off you.
Before heading off for your hedonistic rendezvous, come up with some simple signals you can use between yourselves to let each other know how it’s going without the other couple knowing. These can be anything as simple as squeezing the knee to sexy winks. Make sure you both know the signals and what they mean: the meet isn’t the time to sort this out.

Remember that you’re meeting up with strangers to arrange some great sex, so it’s important that you realise that, in this game, first impressions really do count. Make sure that you’re clean and well presented. We’ve met couples before that haven’t taken any time in their personal appearance, which puts us off straight away. If you’re planning to play on the first meet, then make sure that you’ve got your fresh sexy undies on. They’re going to see you undressed, and there’s nothing worse than your baggiest Bridget Jones-style pants for putting a dampener on the fun (Well, unless you’re into that). We’re often asked whether men should shave down below, and it’s difficult to answer. As long as you’re tidy down there, then there shouldn’t be a problem. If you’re going to shave for the first time before a meet, don’t – the shaving rash can make having sex uncomfortable, so do it the night before if you can, and use plenty of moisturizer (this applies to both sexes).

When meeting other swingers for the first time, you really have to trust your gut feelings. If something isn’t right, then trust your intuition: it’s not worth ruining your relationship for a bit of fun. A few of the obvious warning signs include the other couple not looking anything like the photos they sent you or the girl sitting quiet in the corner while the man does all the talking, which tends to suggest that she’s been pressured into it.

Once you have met up with your prospective playmates, and had a chance to chat, you and your partner should decide whether you want to take it further. Going up to the bar together to get a round of drinks gives you the chance to chat privately, and enables the other couple to do the same, as they might also wish to withdraw at this point.

Sometimes us girls like to go off to the toilet together, just so that we can have a chat. I like to use this to make sure that the other girl hasn’t been pressured into anything. It’s generally pretty easy to find out if this is the case, and if the other girl tries to drag you into a cubicle, then you know she’s up for it!

If you decide that you don’t want to take it further, then you should be honest and let them know that you have enjoyed meeting them but that you aren’t ready to play. This way you can say your goodbyes and leave without anyone knowing where you live or any of your personal details.
If you do decide that you would like to move on to somewhere else to play, then you have a choice of whether to move to a house (yours or theirs, depending on who’s closest) or a hotel. Given that, after the night is over, you might not want to meet up again, we’d suggest a hotel for initial meetings, again to protect your privacy.

So, you’ve met, decided that you want to play, and have gone on to somewhere more appropriate – how do you get things started? It depends on whether you’re meeting first timers like yourselves or experienced swingers. Experienced swingers will generally have no hang-ups about stripping off and starting the fun, whereas newbies can sit around for hours not knowing how to start the fun. Games are always good for breaking the ice, whether a traditional game like strip poker, or an adult-branded game like Dare Devil. Alternatively, taking turns to relate sexual fantasies can break the ice, particularly if there’s one your new friends can help make a reality.

A word regarding alcohol. We all like a drink to settle our nerves and get us in the mood, but in a swingers situation, it’s easy to have one too many, and make a fool of yourself. Limit your drinks to a couple, and space them apart. You don’t want brewer’s droop at a time like this.
Once you’ve had your fun, and everyone’s sitting round naked, it’s time to get your things together, say your goodbyes and head off home. Make sure that when you get home, you either drop them an email or give them a quick call to say thanks for a great time. In a swinging situation, politeness is key. Now it’s time to talk through what happened at the meet with your partner, and perhaps adjust your rules accordingly. You might need to do this quickly, as for my partner and I, and most of the other couples we know, the hottest part of a swinging encounter is the sex you have afterwards!

Have fun, always play safe and practice safe sex.

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Have fun, luv Mel xxx