This issue, Mel looks at the best way to organise a visit to a swingers club for the first time, and how to ensure it’s a stress free, enjoyable experience.

So far in this series, we’ve looked at the preparation necessary to ensure that swinging is an experience both you and your partner will enjoy. Once you’ve both decided that you want to give it a go, though, you’ve actually got to take the plunge and go out to meet other swingers. This issue, we’re going to look at the practical side of swinging - the basic ins and outs of going to a swingers club for the first time.

A few years ago, it was difficult to make contact with a genuine swingers club in all but the largest cities in the UK. However, an explosion of interest in swinging, coupled with the advent of the internet, means that most areas of the country have at least one established swingers club, and the standards of these clubs is constantly on the rise. To find local clubs, either check the Internet or have a look at the Club Listings in the back of Contact UK. Once you’ve found a few near you, you can narrow down your requirements even further. Most clubs have different nights to cater for the different types of swingers – so what are you really looking for? If you’re not looking for single men, then pick a night that’s couples only, rather than general admission, as this will take the pressure off even further. If you’re a single guy, you will usually be welcome on mixed or singles nights, depending of the number already attending. And if you are one of the relatively small number of single women on the scene, you’ll be welcome whenever you want to go!

Once you’ve decided where and when you’re going, you need to find out a bit more about the club itself. Most clubs have contact phone numbers, and often it’s easiest just to give them a call, as any reasonable club will be more than willing to address serious enquiries. Some clubs are sauna clubs, where members wear either sexy underwear or towels (always make sure to check whether towels are provided or if you need to bring your own), there are clubs that are like nightclubs with playrooms, and a few go for a more formal, ‘upmarket’ feel, so knowing the dress code is important, and will help you fit in and relax. Then there’s the question of membership, as most clubs nowadays will require you to join before you can go in, and in many cases some form of ID is required. Make sure you’ve got everything you need before you set out, as these entry requirements will be strictly adhered to, and you’re not going to be able to blag your way inside unless you’ve got the right ID, and the membership fee.

We covered rules and negotiation in the last article, but it’s important to realise that these rules should be reviewed every time you go swinging to make sure they work with what you’re planning to do. Adam and I have found that, for us, it works well if we agree to limit ourselves to soft swinging the first time we visit a new club. Soft swinging is having sex with your partner and not with anyone else – getting a thrill from being watched and appreciated as you enjoy each other, and enjoying watching other couples. A simple promise like this takes an enormous amount of pressure off your first visit: you can get an idea of the scene, and the club’s general atmosphere, without feeling pressured into anything.

Another important thing to check is whether there’s private parking at the club or nearby. On the night, make sure that, if you’re dressing sexily, you’ve got a long coat to cover yourself up, especially if you have to walk to the club from wherever you’ve parked up. Arriving at your first club night (or any new club for the first time) can be daunting in itself, so plan ahead to avoid additional stresses. Make sure you’ve got a map of the area, you know where you’re going and you’ve got the club’s contact number – arriving after an argument about directions is not going to put you in the mood!

Once you’ve found the club and parked up, it’s time to become members. You’ll probably be nervous about going in the first time, but just relax and remember that everyone there has gone through the same experience. Most clubs have a reception area where you fill in your membership details. Some clubs post their membership forms online, so you can print them out and complete them before arriving at the club, so speeding the whole process up. If it is a sauna club, you’ll need to head for the changing rooms to don your sexy towels or outfits, and then it’s off to the bar to make some new friends. If you arrive early, there will normally be someone to show you around the club, but later on the club will probably get too busy for tours. Often, you’ll get shown around by some of the regulars if the club staff are busy.

The swinging scene is full of genuinely open, engaging people, who remember what it’s like to be a newbie, so it’s not going to be hard to make new friends. If the club has a website, then there’s a good chance that they’ll have member forums or newsgroups, where you can post a message letting people know that you’re going on a particular night and it’s your first time. It’s a great way to find out about the club, and to make yourself known a little, so that when you get to the bar there’ll be someone there that you’ve made contact with already, even if it is only online.

As most clubs don’t have an alcohol license, you’ll probably need to bring your own drinks. Don’t overdo it, though – you’re not trying to get drunk. A lot of couples have a few alcoholic drinks to start, and then go on to the soft drinks, so alcohol doesn’t get in the way of playing. It’s important to realise that, if you get drunk, you’re going to be asked to leave by the club staff. It goes without saying that clubs have very strong anti-drugs policies too, so don’t even think about it. As well as your drinks, it’s a good idea to take a small toiletries bag with you. Inside, you should have your condoms, breath fresheners, deodorant and contact cards to give to swingers you’d like to keep in touch with.

Once you’ve had a few chats and a wander around the club a little, you’ll start to settle in. Find a nice corner and do some people watching, remembering that the first visit is a learning visit, as much as anything else. Take a look at the type of couples that are in the club and decide whether you’d swing with them. Have another walk around, taking a peep into the various play-rooms to see what’s going on.

At some point, someone is going to approach you and ask if you want to play. The first time that this happens can be quite shocking, but it’s kind of sexy too. If you’ve agreed that you’re not going to play with anyone else on this visit, then just tell them that you are soft swingers. Above all, everyone in the club will understand that NO means NO, so don’t be afraid of saying it. As long as you’re polite and friendly, nobody will mind.

Having said this, you might be approached by your perfect couple or a gorgeous single female, and you both might be tempted to take things a step further, but be wary. At the time this might seem like a great idea, but afterwards it can cause problems, as you haven’t really prepared to play. What happens, for example, if you or your partner does something the other isn’t prepared for and it causes arguments? One of our personal rules, that came out of a situation like this, is that we only swing together so that neither of us gets jealous. We decided on this after Adam and I went to one club for the first time, and I got carried away with three gorgeous girls, forgetting that Adam was even there. Adam didn’t want to go with anyone else in case I got upset, but I didn’t even notice him watching, which caused a huge row, and a lot of jealousy. So if you do meet another person (or people) on your first visit, and are tempted, the best plan of action might be to soft swing with them and then give them one of your contact cards, or an e-mail address, so they can keep in touch and maybe meet up at a later date. Any reasonable person is sure to understand.

A lot of swingers clubs stay open till 4am in the morning, as they’re not restricted by licensing laws, but don’t feel that you have to stay all night because it’s your first time – once you’ve had enough, just go. When you get home, there’s sure to be a bit to talk about, but chances are you’ll be so horny you’ll just want to have sex! Adam and I have the most amazing sex after visiting a club or party, whether we have played or not. Bring the different people and things you saw at the club into your sex session, like when you are exploring your fantasies. This way, you’re opening up your sex life to all these different people and possibilities without ever having sex outside your relationship.

Once you’ve finished swinging from the lampshade and you’re enjoying the afterglow, it’s time for pillow talk. Talk about how you both felt going to the club, what you thought of what you saw. Have a look at your rules: do they need adjusting, or are they fine? Did you make contact with anyone that you’d like to go further with? Are you going to go back to the club, or are you going to try a more private meeting next time?

As with most things in life, exploring swinging is a learning curve, and most people find it’s best to take several small steps than a giant leap. If one club doesn’t suit you, but you’re still interested in swinging, try another, and remember that there are other options to explore. The most important thing, though, is to keep talking to your partner about how you feel, and listen when they do the same to you. That way you can keep the most important thing – your relationship – at the centre of things, and this will lead to the experiences you both enjoy.

Well, that just about covers going to a club for the first time. Parties are very similar, just on a smaller scale. If you don’t fancy the idea of how public a club is and you think you’d prefer the more private side of couple to couple meets, my next article will be for you, as we’re going to be looking at how you can make contact with other swingers, using magazines and the internet, for those more private meetings. Have fun and remember, always play safe and practice safe sex.

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Have fun, luv Mel xxx