This issue we’re kicking off a series of features about the UK swinging scene by Melanie of Melanie’s UK Swingers.

Whether it’s through some kind of sleazy tabloid expose, surfing the web, or getting hold of a copy of Contact UK, most adults in the UK are aware of swinging, and what it loosely entails. However, there’s a remarkably small amount of level-headed advice out there for people who think they might be interested in getting involved, and we over the next few issues, it’s my intention to provide a no- nonsense guide to swinging for couples and singles, setting out guidelines, talking about acceptable behaviour and basically telling you all you need to know to avoid pitfalls and have happy and satisfying swinging experiences.

First of all, we need to define what we mean by ‘swinging’. The term is often used to group together a whole host of different sexual activities, all of which are based around open relationships. An open relationship is where a couple allow others into their sex lives on a temporary or sometimes permanent basis: for example, a woman might choose to have a husband and a girlfriend to satisfy their bi side. Swinging is mainly a couples-focussed activity, but it is popular with singles of both sexes. If you are a single man, don't worry, there’s fun for you too. There are plenty of couples out there where the female wants more than one man at a time. However, the number of single men on the scene far outweighs the number of single women, so if you’re a single lass looking to swing, you’ve going to be very popular indeed!

In recent years, swinging has grown from a very secretive activity to almost a mainstream lifestyle. However, much of the information that’s circulated by the mainstream press is, at the very least, misleading. We've all heard stories of car key swapping parties – although I have never known anyone that's been to one or knows of anyone who has – but this image of a swingers party is actually quite damaging to the scene, because it gives the impression that you don’t have a choice of partner, you just get picked and get who you are given. To other swingers and myself this is completely ridiculous. Swinging is an activity for consenting adults, and as in many forms of sex play, it’s the women who hold the balance of power, as it is normally their decision that a meeting rests on. The scene isn't about forcing anyone into something they’re not comfortable with, and above all the golden rule is “No means No”.

Ask most swingers and they’ll tell you that swinging is about expanding your sex life with your partner, doing all the sexual things that you want to try WITH your partner’s consent and interaction. If you are thinking about swinging without your partner’s consent then be prepared to be turned down by a lot of couples, as most swingers still do not agree with cheating and won’t help you to cheat on your partner. If there are issues in your relationship that makes you feel that you have to seek sex outside of it then swinging isn’t a solution: my advice would be to sit down and talk with your partner. Stepping into the world of swinging can test your relationship, so it is important to have a strong and loving one before you start.

Rest assured that it’s perfectly understandable if you’re nervous about getting involved in the scene. Most couples get the butterflies, and Adam and myself still get them when we meet new couples. The easiest way ensure that you are comfortable with what you’re doing is to start off slow; go to a club or party just to see what actually does go on. In order to give yourself time to decide if this really is for you, first time you go you might want to agree with your partner that either you aren’t going to do anything at all but watch, or that if you do want to play, you will only play with each other to satisfy your exhibitionist tendencies. This is known as “soft swinging” where you don't have to have sex, touch or be touched by anyone else but your own partner, but you might like to put on a show for others.

Many couples join the scene so that one partner can satisfy their bisexual side. The majority of these are couples with bisexual females, although it is not unheard to find couples with a bi male and a straight female. The search for single bisexual females can be very difficult (they’re as rare as rocking horse droppings!) mainly because of worries that many single females have about the scene, and their general safety when meeting strangers. Because of this, many couples meet other couples with bi partners. This normally involves the two bi partners having sex whilst the straight partners look on or join in with their own partner.

The most popular area of swinging takes place in the privacy of the swingers’ homes or in hotel rooms and is known as a private meet. Private meets normally involve two couples meeting up to have sex. Sometimes the couples decide to pair off and go into different rooms to have sex, although it is more common for the couples to all get involved and have fun together or have sex in front of each other. As you can imagine, there are things you can do with four people that you just can’t do with two whether you are bisexual or straight. Another common private meet scenario is where a husband will arrange for several males to satisfy his wife’s sexual desire for sex with multiple men, while he either joins in or just watches the action and has sex with his wife afterwards. Some couples like to film their private meets, but this is always done with everyone’s consent.

That said, there are many swingers who don’t want the hassle of arranging a private meet either because of family life, the hassle of arranging a meet, or the possibility of encountering timewasters, but there are still many options open to them. Some swingers go to swingers parties which normally involve six to twenty couples, although this can depend on the size of the venue, which in many cases will be a private residence. Swingers parties are very common, as they are a safe but anonymous way of making new friends on the scene. The first party Adam and I ever went to was very similar to a normal party, except that everyone knew that upstairs was where they had to go to have sex and the downstairs was where people socialised. Parties are a great way to test the water as they provide a very low-pressure environment, with a reassuring and relaxed atmosphere. Of course, some parties are wilder than others, as the scene is so varied. There are parties that are held for the more experienced swingers, that are more like Roman orgies, with sex going on everywhere, and heaps of bodies writhing around on the floor. Some parties are gang-bangs or greedy girl parties, where the men vastly out number the women. One greedy girl even coined the phrase “air tight skiing” to describe the sensation of having one cock in the mouth, one in the pussy, one in the bum and one in each hand. Now if that isn’t wild, I don’t know what is! There are also parties for bisexual swingers and swingers with different fetishes like bukkake and BDSM. The key is to ask ahead of time what kind of party it is, but nowadays most parties are very upfront and clear about what type of scenario they’re catering for.

The alternative to a party is going to a club. Personally, this is our preferred way of meeting swingers. Swingers clubs can now be found in nearly every major city in the UK and around the world. Some clubs resemble nightclubs with playrooms, others are sauna clubs where you just wear a towel. Our favourite is Chameleons in the West Midlands, which is a sauna club. We have had some great times there, although I wasn’t impressed when I found out that the last time we went, we left five minutes before a twenty girl only orgy… bugger! Most swingers clubs hold various different nights to cater for the different elements of the scene, from couples-only nights to fetish nights, as varied as the parties. The majority of swingers clubs have very friendly and helpful staff and a good crowd of regulars, so you can be sure to find someone to talk to and to show you around if you are willing to make an effort to say hello. If someone flirts with you, and you don’t want to play, just be honest and let them know that it is your first time at a club, and remember: “No always means No”.

For the more daring swingers out there, dogging seems like the way to go and it is becoming more popular everyday. It’s the latest craze to be splashed all over the tabloid press. It involves having sex in public car parks, picnic areas or lay-bys after dark. Some doggers choose to advertise that they will be at a certain place at a certain time, others just like to turn up to a dogging location and see who is about when they get there. There are various signals that are used to let other doggers know what your preferences are, from just making it clear that you are doggers, to letting someone watching know that you want to have sex with them. Dogging can be a risky activity because, under current law, should someone see you and be offended, it becomes a criminal offence. So if you are going to give dogging a go, please make sure to take reasonable precautions not to be seen by non doggers.

Hopefully, this article will have given you some idea of the wide and varied lifestyle, filled with loving and trusting couples, that is swinging. Next issue we will be looking at how to introduce the idea to your partner and the general things you need to talk about before swinging. For single males and females, we’ll also cover the things you need to think about before venturing into the scene. Have fun, and remember always play safe, practice safe sex.

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Have fun, luv Mel xxx